More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
