You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
