I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
