come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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