my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
