My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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