Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
