I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
