I cannot find my penis.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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