I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
