if i can run in heels then i can drive
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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