Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
