That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
