She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize