he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
