I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
