she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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