Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
