I look better un-naked...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
