My friends, they love my intelligence
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
