I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
