Your dad touched me again.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
