Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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