Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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