Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
