Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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