It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
