she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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