you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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