i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
