the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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