she was so not down for the gang bang
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well I just put wine in my tea
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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