I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
