and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
