I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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