it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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