Swine flu. Run for my life!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
