I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
