And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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