I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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