You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
