Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
