Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The uberlube is also flammable
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
