I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
two words: eviction party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
