I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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