Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We're too hungover to prance.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
