Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
