I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
