I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
