pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
