I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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