Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
