currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
