I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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